I know that some of you would like me to post more often, but the truth is...I can't. Nor do I want to when I have nothing to say that won't get you out of your everyday mentality. I am writing today because my life again has given me some things to overcome. As you all know I was going back in for another check up on my heart in December. Well, unfortunately the surgery didn't do what we had hoped that it would do. I still have a hole in my heart and will eventually be going back in for another surgery. But... Not until I complete my mission. I am still in pursuit of the 2010 Race Across America starting June 9th. It will only be God or death that keeps me from it.
All that being said, I am not referring to my heart when I talk about the things I must overcome. All my life I have been tested. Mentally, and physically. I can't say emotionally because I honestly don't think I have many emotions left. Most of you can relate to what I am about to talk about. It seems sometimes that no matter how hard you work things or people continuously get in your way. I want to answer some questions that I have gotten over the last several months. People seem to assume that my job in the SEALs is to be an athlete. That is not the case at all. While I have a few, or should I say, very few, people that support my personal goals such as RAAM, the truth is that I work a full time job. In order to train for these events I do it on my own time. I generally wake up around 3 am to get a ride in before work, and then will ride to and from work during the week, followed by extra miles on my way home. Without giving away my full training schedule, let's just say, I don't sleep much, definitely don't eat enough, and any free time I may think I'm going to have is spent on the bike. I'm telling you this because it is not easy to achieve anything personally or professionally by depending on other people. Nine times out of ten, you are alone. Alone in your mind, alone at your desk, alone in your wants and needs. People are not going to understand your goals because they have separate goals. It's not easy to do things alone. You must deviate from the crowd. This is why it is easier to go for a run with people. It's much easier when you know that someone is out there suffering with you. You can't look over and see that when you are suffering alone. But let me tell you... you are alone. You are alone when you cross the finish line, you are alone when you do extra miles, you are alone when you don't get the promotion at work. You are alone. When you can learn to deal with being alone and not depend on the support of others, you become a stronger human being. I have always been alone in the things I've done. You have to expect failure, if you don't when I comes your way, you will not be able to get back up.
I have read countless blogs, articles, and talked to several people who don't think I really hate doing the things I do. And to be blunt about it... It pisses me off. I have never taken the easy way. I have had to fail several times before I succeed at something, and sometimes it was at no fault of my own. But I run, bike, all of the above because I hate it. By hating it and doing it I grow. I know that people will never understand that, but that is the way I live my life. Why choose something you like to do? Because it's fun? How do you grow as a person by doing fun things? You grow by testing yourself, by testing your mind to go where it doesn't want to go. If you take the easy road, you get easy results. You don't expect anything out of yourself. If you take the hard road,and you make yourself get through it, you will expect more out of your everyday life. If you don't achieve and let people keep you down, you will stay down. Not me... I choose to get back up. I choose to look the unwanted in the face. I choose to go after the unwanted with a smile. I choose to suffer. And from suffering I grow.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying don't have any fun. But this blog and what I say has nothing to do with fitness, has nothing to do with obesity, has nothing to do with winning, has nothing to do with running or biking. It's about life. The bottom line is this, when you get knocked down and when life comes at you from all different angles, take time to reset get back up and smile. Life doesn't like when it can't keep you down, especially when you smile back at it.